WWJD? Jesus would get off my ass...

Abortion rights, same-sex marriage, euthanasia or stem-cell research. These are the four issues out of all the issues in the world that Catholic bishops have decided offend Jesus the most. These bishops are stating they will deny communion to politicians who differ from God's word. You know those words he wrote about stem-cell research, don't you? I think it happened between the big flood and Christmas, right? Thou shall not engage in scientific inquiry. Something like that.

Well now there's a crazy bishop bishop in Colorado who says that if you even vote for someone who believes these issues are worth discussing they should not receive communion. These independant-minded people need to go to confession and recant their vote to a priest. If we are going to start denying sacraments to people who are not completely in line with Catholic teachings then where do you stop? Do the all priests and church officials who have molested children or conspired to cover it up get to chow down on Christ? Do all the republican politicians who support the death penalty and who supported the war in Iraq (which the Vatican condemns) get to sip that awful wine?

Governor McGreevey from my homestate of New Jersey recently said he would not receive Communion anymore. He actually bowed to the pressure of some fanatical controlling bishops from NJ who think that the Eucharist is only for people who aide by a few specific church rulings. Who knew McGreevey was such an apologist for his views? It's disgusting that he would publicly allow these religious nutcases to pin his politics as un-Christian. It's un-Christian to engage in bullying tactics, it's un-Christian to strip women of their rights, it's un-Christian to relegate a gays to second-class citizens, and it's un-Christian to announce such venomous hypocrisy. But I am sick of hearing about the so-called Christian fervor that has grabbed hold of this country. I don't care what Jesus would do or say in a given situation. I don't care what the Bible may or may not say about anything. And I think all free-thinking, reasonable people should turn the tables on these bishops who would use a religious ceremony for political gain. We won't accept Communion from these people, because obviously they miss the point of the very church they strive to keep liberals out of. We won't be taking your Eucharist because we reject you. I think it's what Jesus would do.

Martha, eat your heart out...

I'm going to a Mexican-style dinner party tonight and my job was to bring the appetizer. I decided to rely on an old favorite, a family recipe that has brought joy to many- Debbie Dip. Named after my Aunt Debbie, and served at only the finest of Coleman gatherings, this secret dish has been passed along to close relatives only for years-until now. I am going to share all the painstaking minutiae of this beloved Coleman treasure. Without further ado, I give you... dramatic pause... Debbie Dip:

1 container of Sour Cream
1 container salsa
grated cheese
chopped black olives (optional)

In a shallow pie dish, spread the sour cream. Next spread the salsa on top making sure not to mix but to form layers. Top with grated cheese and black olives, if desired. Cool in refrigerator. Dip using your favorite tortilla chip.

This terribly complicated dish is always a hit parties.

So long and thanks for all the fish...

This past week every political pundit on television has discussed the current poll numbers for the 2004 presidential election. The numbers are telling us some very good news for those who need to oust Bush from office-those being anyone who is in an ethnic minority, LGBT, female, poor, middle-class, a parent, in school, elderly, in need of healthcare, moral, free-thinking, carbon-based, etc. Kerry at 46% is leading Bush at 42%. Bush's favorable numbers are at their lowest since Bush v. Gore (which in a 5 to 4 decision would have read something like: 56% of all Supreme Court Justices have a favorable opinion of Bush). Despite this good news for all vertebrates everywhere, the pundits and analysts seem to be saying that while Bush is going down it hasn't "translated into gains for Kerry." Well, Mr. Zogby himself has explained these numbers and told us why this is a perfectly normal place for a challenger to be. People historically make up their mind about the incumbent long before they consider the challenger and the polls are saying that it's time for new leadership. It's going to be one sweet, sweet November.

Knock-knock. Who's there? A big freakin' horse...

So Troy opens tonight. I got a chance to see this spectacle last week at a screening and let me tell you it was a blast! I spent the whole mind-numbing 2 hours and 30 minutes in super-snarky mode. It was truly laughable. Except for the length, it had no sense of epic it so desperately wanted. Brad Pitt is pretty, it's true. There are lots of pretty boys in this movie. In fact, the movie is populated almost entirely with very buff, gorgeous men who would be more convincing making out with one another than pretending that the women in this film are worth fighting over. The woman who played Helen, Diane Kruger (who?) is average at best. Now normally I would be so catty, but this is the woman who supposedly launched a thousand ships. I should think they could get someone special. But she becomes a perfect symbol for a modern-day scapegoat. Helen is the ultimate WMD. Her beauty doesn't really exist in the first place, and half-way through the movie we have no idea what we are fighting for in the first place. So I guess that makes Brad Pitt Bush? I'd vote for that.

Even gayer than the Frasier finale...

Last night my boyfriend, Stephen, and I watched a Merchant-Ivory movie called "Maurice." It was about two school chums in pre-WWI England, a cute blond and a young Hugh Grant, who fall in and out of love with one another despite society's intolerance for the love that dare not speak its name. We both agreed that despite the allure of fancy candelabras and the intrigue of confusing cricket rules, we are glad that we do not live in 1914. I do have a confession though. It took me about 60 minutes to figure out that the cute blond they referred to as "Morris" was actually the pretensious, British way of pronouncing the title character's name, Maurice. I sat there for half the movie thinking "when is this Maurice guy going to show up, shouldn't he be here by now?" I'm not very bright. All in all I've concluded that I can watch an endless amount of movies about repressed homosexuals.

Unlike rain on your wedding day...

I know it's only a few moments since my inaugural post, but I have to share something else.

Not understanding the concept of irony is one of my pet peeves. Alanis Morisette notwithstanding, irony is too often misused and misunderstood, so I love it when a good example comes along.

This blog's spellcheck does not recognize the word "blog."

'Nuff said.

To a de-luxe apartment in the sky...

I like to pretend I'm a trendy sort of guy. So in a desperate attempt to remain "with-it", I've decided to create my very own blog. Now I know that many of you out there have said to me "Hey Matt, we love living here in Bloggerville; the taxes are low, the prisons are full, and except for those pesky school voucher kids who get bused in, things are great! But when are you gonna move in?" Well I'm here to announce that I've boxed up my comic collection, uploaded the Volkswagen, and now I'm movin' on up!

I don't expect this blog to bring joy to anyone but myself. Most blogs seem to be purely masturbatory, but I am hoping this doesn't come across as something I write to elicit envy. It's just something to do. What could be more with-it?