Knock-knock. Who's there? A big freakin' horse...

So Troy opens tonight. I got a chance to see this spectacle last week at a screening and let me tell you it was a blast! I spent the whole mind-numbing 2 hours and 30 minutes in super-snarky mode. It was truly laughable. Except for the length, it had no sense of epic it so desperately wanted. Brad Pitt is pretty, it's true. There are lots of pretty boys in this movie. In fact, the movie is populated almost entirely with very buff, gorgeous men who would be more convincing making out with one another than pretending that the women in this film are worth fighting over. The woman who played Helen, Diane Kruger (who?) is average at best. Now normally I would be so catty, but this is the woman who supposedly launched a thousand ships. I should think they could get someone special. But she becomes a perfect symbol for a modern-day scapegoat. Helen is the ultimate WMD. Her beauty doesn't really exist in the first place, and half-way through the movie we have no idea what we are fighting for in the first place. So I guess that makes Brad Pitt Bush? I'd vote for that.