I bet Jimmy Olsen never had this happen to his photos...

Once again one of my pictures I took for The Pearl made it into a major metropolitan publication. And once again they messed it up. Above is a picture published in Time Out New York of the cast of I Have Been Here Before, now playing at The Pearl Theatre Company. It's a suspensful thriller with a strong social conscious. Highly recommended. If you look closely at the picture however there seems to be a special guest star. Whose image is that on Dan Daily's jacket? Let's take a closer look, shall we? 

Why it's Pope John Paul II! He's not on his death bed at all! He's stopped by to visit my photo!

How weird is this? We called Time Out to see what could have happened, and all the editor could say was "The Pope? What?"

Yes sir the Pope! He said there was nothing he could do about it at this point, and that it must have been a problem with one of the designers. But I don't believe it. This smacks of divine intervention to me. We try to remain a secular institution, but then the Pope comes out and endorses you. And in the most bizarre, yet spiritually inspiring way possible. Just like the Shroud of Tourin! It would be extremely maddening if it wasn't so God-damned funny. Oops! Gotta be careful of such language. The Pope could be anywhere.

At least they spelled me name correctly this time. 

Muppets take Hollywood...

I dreamt about the Oscars last night. I think I've become a little obsessed with them this year even though I didn't get to watch a single moment of the ceremony Sunday. The Pearl Theatre Company had an opening night performance and party for our most recent show I Have Been Here Before that night and I had to attend. For the record, our party was scheduled a year in advance, so it was the Oscars fault not ours. For shame Academy! You should check with off-Broadway theatres before planning your events!

Although I missed the entire broadcast, I had off the next day and spent it watching more masturbatory coverage of everything that happened how much the entertainment industry just LOVES Hollywood. Commentators such as Star Jones and Oprah were almost embarrassing to watch. It was as if they had never seen a famous person before. Try to keep it in your pants, ladies. It demeans all of us.

That said, last night I dreamt I was on the set of The Muppet Oscars Special and it was just as if it were backstage on the old Muppet TV show. There were no Muppeteers, just Muppet torsos hiding behind conveniently placed hedges and brick walls. In between the on-air skits (possibly guest-starring Joan Rivers, I can't be sure), all the Muppets were anxiously awaiting the most personal Oscar category to be announced: Best Performance of a Pig in a Motion Picture. Miss Piggy was up for the award as usual, but she had never won in all her years as a prestigious pigtress extrodinaire. Everyone feared a upstart piglet, who had no name and no features save for the fact that she always wore a tanktop, would live up to her buzz and take home the award that was rightfully Piggy's. The moment came. Leonardo DiCaprio announced the nominees, though there only seemed to be two. And the winner is... the no-name younging's name was announced. Poor Miss Piggy was crushed, though she hid it behind a mask of indignation, fake-refinement, and, of course, a temper tantrum.

Obviously my psyche was upset over Annette Bening's second lose to the mannish Hillary Swank. Oh so you fly in the face of gender stereotypes by talking with your horse-voice and acting like a jock. Bravo! Excuse my sarcastic clapping, but I'm concerned for Ms. Bening's feelings, a woman of all class. I find it telling that my subconscious equates grace, panache, and an almost regal elegance with a stuffed pig. Or maybe I have been watching a little too much Star Jones Oscars coverage.