Day Three

Europa Park















Sharyn and I go to Europa Park, Germany's answer to EuroDisney (which in itself is Paris' answer to DisneyWorld, so you can imagine what we're dealing with here). The park is spilt up into sections themed like the countires of the EU. In Germany, I take a picture with Europa Elefant, rather than Europa Maus because I realized that Maus is a not-so-cleverly disguised knock-off of Mickey Mouse and I do not support copyright infringement. Plus big plush elephants are cute and serve to make me look adorable through association. Whatever it takes baby!

Europa Park















Speaking of infringement, I find that everything in Europa Park is stolen directly from Disney. From Greece, I point with incredulity towards the dome in the middle of the park ripped off from Epcot Center, complete with a history of science ride inside. The more we explore of the park the more we realize how little originality the park's creative developers actually had. Everything is an exact replica of a ride from Disney, minus the budget, and somehow shoe-horned into celebrating Europe's history of colonialism (yet not a single mention of the Holocaust, go figure). The Pirates of the Caribbean becomes The Pirates of Batavia, as evil pirates attack an honorable Dutch colony in India. The Tea Cups become Koffie Kopjes, spinning coffee cups honoring the brave colonialists who enslaved whole peoples for coffee plantations. The Haunted House becomes... well... a haunted house, but rather than Disney's fancy holographic special effects Europa Park has stuffed animals. Germans are a thrifty people.

Europa Park















I pose weirdly while standing in front of what we secretly dubbed "the Alley of Shame." Here are signs describing all the newly added European Union members not important enough to have their own section of the park. "They have a plaque," says Europa Maus. "That's all they deserve." That guy's a jerk, (and possibly a Nazi). I stand next to a sign describing Lithuania. I guess their history isn't romantic enough to be immortalized through the puppetry of stuffed animals. Poor Lithuania. Can't catch a break.

Europa Park



















Oh, no! Could that be the Mir Space Station about the crush Sharyn in Russia? Why, yes it is! About 5 years ago, Europa Park bought the original Mir Space Station and it now sits as a reminder of past glory and excitement of the Space Race and proves that Russia was once important for some reason. I hope Sharyn survives the crash!

Eurpoa Park















Sharyn survives to send me funny looks in Spain. Is her expression from the shock of digging her way out of the wreckage? Or is it the Gypsy Curse strking again?